Slight Panic Attack…

Last week I was doing meds with my mom and she said to me “I think Tucson is going to call today.”  So we finished, I went to work and on the way I got a phone call that went like this:  Ms. Furcolowe? No, this is her daughter.   (instantly I knew who it was without looking at my caller ID) Oh, I thought this was her other number, I forgot it was yours (aaaah, get to the point, do we have lungs or not???). This is Ramana from University Medical Center & I was just calling (uh huh, uh huh, tell me already) to let you know that your mother has been approved (ok, weird word for your lungs are in, but whatever) to continue (living???) her physical therapy.  (you’re kidding right? We already knew that, as we contacted the insurance ourselves!). Oh, Thank you. Any news? No we haven’t had any offers, so to speak.  Oh, ok. Thanks for calling (I guess!)  Bye.   

Man that felt like a close call.  And soooo weird with my mom just having said she thought they were going to call!

 It’s amazing how many things can run through your head in a 3 second conversation.  Thoughts like:  “No please not now! I’m not ready! I’m not fully packed, my laundry’s all over the house, Malibu’s sick & needs his mommie, I have work obligations, Lee needs help with his online course Monday & we have to prep,I have violin lessons tonight! It’s too cold! Mom’s too tired! I wanna go to St. Joes! whaaaaah!”

  
Ok, I know, entirely self-centered.  Not at all diminishing the fact that I want this to happen for her, but wow, there really is a lot to this!  It’s sort of a wake-up call that, one, I have to get more prepared and two, it’s going to be overwhelming and scary no matter what frame of mind I think I’m in.  Denial is so easy.  Just get through each day’s tasks and not think any further than I have to.  That’s the world I live in and I like it.